Rule #1

Those of us who have been in the swing dance scene for a while know the golden rule.  We know it because we’ve betrayed it before and been burned as a result.  It is easy to forget, and even easier to ignore, but it is one of those things that every person in a social dance scene anywhere should always keep in mind.  You’ll probably discover how important it is sooner than you’d expect.

Rule #1 is:  No falling in love on the dance floor.

For all we talk about ways to sweep our partner off their feet, or how to do that perfect step that makes them melt in our hands, we have to be able to stop ourselves from getting permanently lost in that moment.  Dance floor chemistry is very different from real-life romantic chemistry.  Just because you have a very intimate connection with someone on the dance floor doesn’t mean you’ll connect with them in any other aspect of life.  You may discover that aside from dance, you don’t have a single thing in common with them.  Dancers come from all walks of life, so don’t imagine how wonderful your life would be together just because the dip was perfect.

Don’t look at this as being expected to keep a professional distance between you and your dance partner.  Swing dance is a social event.  We want you to dance with a lot of different people, and to get to know the others in the community.  Many of my closest friends have come from swing dance, and I make new friends on the dance floor all the time.  But it should always be from the perspective of, “They seem like a cool person.  I’d like to hang out with them outside of dance and get to know them better.”  That attitude should always be encouraged.  The thought you want to avoid is, “We dance so well together.  We must be soul-mates.”  Trust me.  The odds of connecting that well with someone both on and off the dance floor are very, very small.  It does happen, but not often.

Like I said, this is an easy rule to forget.  Even after dancing for 9 years, even after teaching this very rule to hundreds of students, I still fall in love on the dance floor an average of 3 or 4 times a year.

I’ve had my heart broken every time.

The big question

Whenever I meet someone new and I tell them what I do for a living, I almost always get asked, “What got you into dance?”  The answer is simple, and I tell people freely.  Women.  And people always seem to laugh like that answer was somehow unexpected.  It’s very confusing to me.  We can accept that a man can burn through money buying designer clothes and exotic cars, or that he’ll spend hours pumping up the most visible muscles in the gym, all for the purpose of making himself more attractive to the opposite sex.  But the idea that a man will actually learn to dance to improve his love life seems laughable.  It shouldn’t be.  I’ll admit that it’s been many years since hooking up with a girl has been my main motivation for dancing.  I love swing dance for its own sake.  But I say without shame that the ability to meet, connect, and yes, actually impress a woman on the dance floor is and will always be one of the biggest perks.

This goes for women just as much as men.  How shocking that a woman might actually tire of meeting people in an environment where the men have free reign to behave like animals.  My experience:  women apprciate all the people they meet when out dancing.  It’s an environment that is elegant without being reserved.  Fun without being completely out of control.  Where the icebreakers are as simple as an introduction and a “Nice to meet you.  Would you like to dance?”

The irony of all of this is that it is an astounding pain in the neck to get people to come out and dance.  Those of us who have been in the swing dance scene for a while have talked recently about how hard it is to convince our friends to come have fun with us (it’s actually a little comforting to have more people share my plight).  We know how much fun it is, and it’s not like we’re keeping it a secret, or making it hard to find.  We’re shouting it from the rooftops, and opening our doors to anyone who wants to come.  Yes, we really do want you to join us.

I’ve said this many times before, but to anyone reading this, I’ll say it again.  There is an opportunity here in Sioux Falls to be part of something so cool it’s like it’s out of a movie.  You can do it with friends, or you can do it alone.  You can do it every now and again when the mood strikes you, or you can do it every night of the week.  You won’t be judged, or mocked, or put down, or harassed in any way.  And you’ll be surrounded by people who honor and appreciate you, just because you took the time to show up.  You’ll meet and connect with amazing people from all walks of life who want to get to know you better.  You’ll have an amazing time, and it’s free.  I am personally inviting you to share all of this with me.  Would you really say no?

Who inspires you?

Back when I was living in California, there was a member of our local swing dance scene named Cid Galicia.  Cid is a renowned swing DJ along the west coast, but I remember him much more because he was just a slick dancer.  Well, our main weekly Lindy Hop event at the time was at a small studio owned by a friend of mine.  I didn’t always have someone to dance with.  So on the songs I was sitting out, I would stare at the floor and imagine seeing myself out there dancing.  I would think, “If I were dancing right now, what would I be doing?”  I did come up with a few new steps and ideas about technique that way, but the breakthrough was when I changed it to, “If Cid were dancing right now, what would he be doing?”  All of a sudden, whole new worlds opened up.  Cid had (probably still has) a much larger repertoire than me, and picturing him dancing meant seeing him doing all the cool stuff that I didn’t do.

Well, once I realized that I could choreograph these beautiful routines for Cid, it was time to try it out for myself.  Whenever I stepped out on the dance floor, I’d ask myself, “What would Cid do?”  My dancing improved immediately!  All of a sudden, I had a larger repertoire than ever before.  Could I do everything Cid could?  No.  But definitely a lot more than before.

Our biggest limitation is how we see ourselves.  Placing ourselves in the shoes of another liberates us.  The classic one is, of course, “What would Jesus do,” but it works equally well for dance.  Watch videos of the pros and find the dancer that inspires you.  Watch as much of them as you can.  Get to know their steps and their style.  And when you’re out dancing, ask yourself what they would do.  Then do it.  Make mistakes, try new ideas, experiment.  And remember that no matter what, you are still an artist.  You are still adding your own style, your own attitude to the dance.  You are unique, even when you emulate another dancer.  Aspire to be better than yourself, and discover how good you really are.

Thank you, Cid, for inspiring me to be better than myself.